These few days bad things keep on happening on me, happen until i can't accept the facts that my mum had said to me.. My heart breaks day by day, till yesterday then i become ok(appearance only) a little, unlike other days where my appearance seems to be very moody.. thanks to all my friends & teachers who are willing to lend me a listening ear and some who give comments which at least make my mood better by a bit.. This is a very long and horrible story for me, so i'll rather just say it here then tell u all 1 by 1 about it.. 这件事情说来话长..

It all started after me going to Queensway Shopping Centre with 3 of my buddies [zhen sheng (Zs), zhi wei (Zw) and yan xiang (Yx)] together with my parents that kept on insisting to go with me when i don't wish them to be with me.. (refer to the earlier part of the entries for the qneensway thing)

Then it was the midnight thing.. (refer to the previous entry for more info regarding this thing.. Let me ask u all a question. What's wrong with going out with a friend in the middle of the night to Greenridge to buy something in 7-11 and den later going to a quiet void deck nearby and sit down and voice out my problems (心事)? My parents keep on saying that that's wrong for me to do that. According to them, there are a few reasons behind it which i agree BUT still they should allow me to go out and do the things that i did:
1. Safety: Those theft cases or whatsoever are happening in the midnite, say very dangerous for me to go out. I say that i'm not going out alone. but ... ... ...
2. Parents' way of teaching the child.. Bo bian this one no matter how i tried to talk (back) to them, still no use..
3. Personal problems: They say that any personal problems (心事) can just speak to them, no need to keep all these things in my heart or tell this to another person.
Comment on the italic words: What's wrong telling this to another person (what i mean now is my friends, somemore is my best few buddies) ? My parents don't even understand how i feel when it comes to this.. This kind of thing who i want to share with is my business, not my parents' business. They don't need to bother me about this.

Next is the one which my parents misunderstood me for. Currently is Zs who give me advices/comments on how i should change myself for the better. My parents keep on saying that i everything ALL follow my friends one, don't even have my own decision. Actually they all are WRONG!! What i personally think is whatever thing Zs said to me makes sense to me and i also personally think that his advices to me are all correct. That's why i follow his advice.. I have the decision to do this do that.. But no matter how i tried to explain to my parents, i failed.. And my parents keep on accusing that Zs all teach me bad things which I TOTALLY DON'T AGREE AT ALL!! What i think is right for me to do, i will of course do it, if not, i won't do it at all.. My parents still don't understand this..

Then it's about the staying overnight at my friend's house (in this case is Zw's hse) and watch a soccer match. What's wrong with that again?!? I don't think it's wrong for me to do that, but my parents still got reasons (道理) which i although agree with her BUT i got things to say her back.. (in the end, i still failed to talk to my parents over this) :
1. Cause disturbance to their parents, brothers/sisters: I said that if Zw's parents don't allow his friends to go to his house for this kind of thing, Zw himself won't probably allow them to come to his house..
2. Spare a thought for their parents' feeling: This one i already ask him about this, he also agree to what i say in the first/previous points mentioned above.. But no matter how i tried to talk to them, it still failed in the end, and they say that they don't ever allow their(my parents) son/daughter to go out in the middle of the night for ANYTHING, even though i make use of the chalet which i tell them that i went out for cycling with lucas all the way to Pasir Ris bus interchange and MRT station..
3. My own interest: My parents keep on asking me why all a sudden i got such interest for soccer. I said that i start to have this interest b'cos i personally feel that there's a need for me to learn all these things.. What Zs said to me is totally right for me. He said that this is what generation now, more people are talking about soccer and i shouldn't just rely on basketball alone as my sole sports interest, and me personally feel that i shouldn't be the one who's left out.. BUT my parents still keep on accusing me that all these thing are still through friends one. What's wrong with that?!? HaIz..

Next, it's the very recently thing that happened on last monday (13/12/2004).. What's wrong with their (Zs, Zw, Yx, qing long) appearance? I don't think they look like those bad guys, BUT my mother.. ... ... And then my mum keep on asking me to come and see her after taking my pay and during when i answered to queries that my 4 friends do not know cos this is their first time filling up the form. What's wrong with that again?!? Just only helping/assisting them with this only and my mum keep on accusing me again. This time is why they don't ask the agents there. I said that is b'cos some questions in the form that agents just unable to answer the questions so i answered them, like that only cannot mehz?!? In the end, i just got scolded off by her and asked me to break off friendship ties with them WHICH IS IMPOSSIBLE FOR ME TO DO THAT!! 这种事情我是死都决定办不到的！ and even tell my teacher that I and Zs cannot be in the same clas next year. She's really unreasonable!! 太过分了！ After hearing such kind of things, i started to cry (don't say i cry baby ar.. this kind of thing is called emotionally hurt my feelings) while walking to IMM.. I don't mind being scolded in front of the public, but such kind of words really hurt my feeling a lot, and i even went to the gents at IMM and lock inside a cubical for about 5 mins b4 i cool down my mood(by little).. And then keep on thinking back on how should i settle this kind of serious problem. In the end, as my parents request, I shall call my teacher(miss hsien, my form teacher) and my mum answered the phone.. after that, my turn to talk to miss hsien, and i requested/pleased her, together with Zs, to help me solve this big and serious problem which will hurt my feelings forever in my whole life if not solved, so she requested for mi and Zs to come first and look for her, tell her the whole story, and then after telling us what she wishes to say, then my mum will be called down so that miss hsien can explain/talk to her everything about it and hopefully, my mum can be more understanding towards me.. This is what generation liao? Why my feeling is like my mum don't allow me to change myself ALTOGETHER, where i think i should change myself altogether ne? I really don't understand why is this so, as now is still my growing / maturing stage. Can anyone tell me why is this so?

HaIz.. 人人都说要我为我的父母想一想他们的感受是怎样的， 可是他们有没有想一想我的感受又是怎样的？ 算了。。 Wait till this friday to solve this problem altogether and settle it ONCE AND FOR ALL and nothing will happen to both me and Zs and we can be remained as friends.. My dear best buddy, i really don't wish to lose such a good friend like you, who can understand my problems and help me to guide me, teach me along throughout my journey of life.. This is a gift to me from god/heaven which i must really treasure it a lot a lot a lot, no matter what happen to you and me, we are still friends, and we should help each other for problems that we encountered.. sometimes it's just better for me to share my problems with my friends rather than my parents as my parents may not understand my feeling very well, unlike my friends, especially my best few buddies.. Till then, i should stop here for now le, and wait for this friday to come, to quickly settle this problem fast as i don't wish to delay this anymore further..

Currently, right at this moment, till this friday, my parents don't allow me to go out with them to anywhere, even to play basketball(bball).. Life is so boring when i feel that i'm very lonely at home, only keep on using the computer the whole day, day and night.. u may notice that i was online from night of 13/12/2004 to next day morning. That was because my mum confiscated my handphone and disallowed me to contact with them when i went to sleep, and my nick for that day was stated very clearly that anything to say just say in MSN, don't call or sms me, especially my handphone cos they will check who is calling or sms me, and will keep on asking me what i was sms or talk about.. this is restriction to me!! And use the computer for a long time i also very sick and tired of myself le, especially my precious eyes where i keep on looking at the computer screen for long hours wthout break.. and the poor computer which has to be switched on for damn long hours just b'cos of me.. If this goes on and on, life will be totally meaningless for me.. 2 days before when i was crying i thought of whether should i die early and fast so that i don't need to suffer in this world anymore, but i believe miracle will happen, and it will be in 2 days time when we go back to school to get back our N level results.. It's not actually the results that makes me happy but the serious problem that's unsolved.. Even if my N level results is very bad, it's not so bad as compared to that problem.. HaIz.. really stop here for now le.. this friday or saturday then i will update again, and hopefully it will be a good one..