Haz... These few days.. History repeats itself again..

Let mi tell u the situation now..
For the past 2 to 3 months, mi always go to my friend's house and study at nite for every weekdays and afternoon and nite for e very weekends.. den now my mother say exam must stay at home study ALONE.. How can? Maybe for some people like my sister can.. but for mi, i prefer to study along with my friends, cos by studying with my friends, if we got difficulties in anything, we can always ask each other..

What makes mi very fed-up is that when my mother say that "ONLY you will do such things" where "such things" refers to mi going to my friend's house and study.. How can she just concluded that ONLY mi will do such things where other people also do such things? and guess what when i say the previous sentence to her? she just say "dun compare with other people can? just compare with your sister will do." What exactly i thinking is if she hates me to compare with other people, why she ALWAYS without FAIL go and compare mi with my sister? Why? Let mi tell you all this, although mi and Sharon are brothers and sisters, but our character is exactly different, and our preference is ALWAYS different. How can my mother just compare like tat le? Haiz..

Whatsmore, she keeps on saying about me always follow my friends, tag with them, they do wat i do wat la, etc etc.. basically is about the same as how she quarrels with me last year (December). Why? I always hope that for this year, my life can be happy always without this kind of problem.. but look, it comes again.. I dunno whether she's going to make me spoil my mood for exam or what lo.. Tomorrow is already mother's day le and i also dunno i really wish to celebrate or just "celebrate den celebrate lo.. no big deal".. Haiz..

Now i'm already 17 years old, sec 5 liao and yet she still control me strictly, i can say.. Why? Go out at nite for study everyday she dun allow, always ask mi to stay at home study alone. I ever wish to hold an ATM card of my own account also cannot, see most of my friends all can take i can't take.. sad.. even from my friend's one look, they will say that my mother looks strict, and YES, she is strict.. She always say "I already gve you a lot of freedon liao", but did she give me the freedom that i want/wish t0? At this age she still wants me to get my teacher's hp no. for her.. okie.. fine, i will give her, but b4 doing so, i will tell the teacher my problems, and will ask her to stand by my side and help me.. Sometimes i ever think what will happen to me when i go to poly/JC/ITE.. Will they still treat me so strictly, or they will let go completely, i.e, to have almost 100% freedom? Haiz.. Will she allow me to go out at nite till midnite? Haiz..

And as what my MSN nite says about
" 咳。。有时候，我在想，我现在拥有这种妈妈是不是上天想惩罚我而献给我的。。如果我有一个妈妈又疼又了解儿子的心里在想些什么，而不要使儿子更加心痛，难过，伤心，那就好。。但我呢，就完全相反。。Haz.. :(" Izzit really that the God want to punish me and that's why giving me such a mother? or what? Haiz.. The rest of the sentence ask a chinese person to translate as i dun have the mood to explain any further..

and also
"一般人说"世界上只有妈妈好”，但我就只能说“世界上只有别人的妈妈好”。。咳。。有些时候，看到朋友的妈妈对儿子那么好，我的心里就觉得很难过。。就一直在想着。。" Haiz.. this sentence also ask a chinese person to translate.. Sometimes, i see parents(particularly mother) like Paul and Zhen Sheng's one, the way they treat their son, how caring they are, how humourous they can be, how friendly they can be, i really want to ... in my heart.. Why? In what way am i offending the God? How come i still need to accept this punishment for the whole of my childhood up to even now (sec 5)?? Have i done anything wrong actually? Haiz.. For days and nite i always keep on thinking.. I think this coming monday i really wish to see my form teacher Mrs Goh to help me le.. Dun say about my friends, if i've ever have a good family like Mrs Goh's one, that will be good le.. But now, ... .. haiz... Sometimes my friends say that "want to trouble the teachers again". But for this case, i'm really been forced to lo.. Fighting for freedom is really hard for me, from the experience i've with Miss Michelle Hsien last year, 12 to 17 December 2004.. These days i will be forever remaining in my hard.. In future, when i become a father, i really wish to share this bad experience with my children, and will not treat them they way my mother treats mi currently, and also to share this with my students, (if i ever be a teacher) maybe through chalet nite mi and my students will sit by the beach and share with them my bad childhood, and if my students ever have the same type of problem as me, i will be most willing to stand by my student's side and help them cos i dun wish them to be like what i'm now.. It makes mi heart pain that way.. Haiz..